One step forward, two steps back.
Fall seven times, stand up eight.
If plan A doesn’t work, there are still 25 letters to go through.
If at first you don’t succeed…
And so on and so forth.
Fair warning – this isn’t just a recipe post, it’s also a bit of a it’s-my-blog-and-I-need-to-get-some-shit-off-my-chest-because-writing -is-my-outlet post. Feel free to scroll to the bottom if you’re just here for the recipe; it’s so delicious I won’t be offended!
Anyway, let’s not sugar coat it; it’s been a rough few weeks. I’ve been slowly but surely sliding back into that deep, black hole. I’ve been anxious and skittish and completely on edge. I’ve spent nights crying my eyes out, nights with no sleep, nights forcing myself to throw up everything I’ve just binged on, nights panicking and heart fluttering. And then, after maybe 4 or 5 hours of very broken sleep, dragging my ass out of bed at 5:30am to exercise for an hour before going to work and trying to keep my mask intact and my shit together until I can go home and briefly let my guard down again. But not too much and not for too long, because I’ve got too much to do. That’s one of my go-to coping mechanisms; the more I feel myself slipping, the more I commit and over commit to. I try to keep myself too busy to actually stop and think about what’s going on, to stop and acknowledge that I’m struggling and to deal with it. I’m not saying that’s the right thing to do, because each time this happens I inevitably crash and burn and breakdown. But until then, I just keep going.
I know that inevitable crash and burn is coming; I can feel it. But it’s kinda hard to stop and acknowledge the problems and to deal with it all before we get back to breaking point – I just don’t have time for it! Dealing with this stuff isn’t something you can just do on a Saturday afternoon and bounce back by Sunday so you’re ready to go back to work on Monday, and I can’t just take a week off work while I cry and panic and seek professional help to get my shit back together! So until I can come up with a better plan, as a temporary measure, I’m trying to at least slow things down a little more on my weekends.
Saturday mornings so far this year have involved husband getting up early and jetting off to coach his footy team, while I get up at the same time and hit the gym, followed by breaky and getting on with my day. But with footy season finally over, the Melbourne spring sun shining, and the end of a really rough week all through which my man stepped up (yet again) and had my back without hesitation, I figured Saturday morning was the perfect morning to finally slow things down a little and sit out in the sunshine with some pancakes 🙂
OK, recipe time now. We’re both a bit obsessed with NuZest’s chocolate protein, as you may have noticed in some of my other recipes, so I thought I’d look for a recipe I could make using protein powder. A ton of recipes involved mashed bananas (*gag*), so I kept scrolling – I eventually came across this one at Move, Nourish, Believe, but I didn’t totally love it… I screwed around with it a little and nailed the ultimate light and fluffy protein pancake! And the best part? Still low FODMAP! So happy!!
What you’ll need for pancakes for 2:
– ⅔ cup plain flour (use gluten free if needed)
– ¼ cup almond meal
– ¼ cup protein flour
– 1 tsp baking powder
– ½ cup milk (I like almond)
– 2 eggs
– 1 tsp vanilla extract
– 2 tbsp maple syrup
– 2 tbsp vegetable oil
– a little butter or oil of choice to cook with
Cook ’em up…
1. Combine the dry ingredients (flour, almond meal, protein powder and baking powder) in a large bowl.
2. In another bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients (milk, eggs, vanilla, maple syrup and vegetable oil).
3. Whisk the wet ingredients into the dry. If it’s too runny, add a little more flour; if it’s too dry, add more milk.
4. Heat a non-stick fry pan over medium heat, and add a little oil or butter to coat the pan. Add about a quarter cup of batter at a time to the pan, and cook for a few minutes – until bubbles start to form.
5. Once you see bubbles, flip your pancakes and cook for another minute or so, until both sides are golden. Serve up with your choice of toppings – we went with some plain yoghurt, toasted cacao nibs, goji berries, shredded coconut, fresh berries, maple syrup and homemade lemon curd (husband’s favourite).
So the pancakes were absolutely delicious, and the sun just kept on shining over the weekend (yes, Melbourne!) 🙂 This week is going to be a testing one, but before it all kicked off this morning I was lucky enough to spend a fantastic weekend with the husband, hanging around some of my favourite areas like Collingwood and the little city laneways I love so much, discovering some new shops and street art, and enjoying (actually enjoying) some really good food (disordered eating challenge for the weekend was eating at some of our favourite spots without it spiraling out of control into a binge/throw up/starve myself cycle). Pop back again later this week for more on the favourites we re-visited over the weekend and food porn to go with it; until then, thanks for stopping by and listening to my vent, I feel much better now and am all ready to face the first big challenge of the week tonight – stay tuned, more on that tomorrow!